Tearing Pages from the Soul

Elena walked down Main Street, her fists shoved into the pockets of her navy canvas jacket. She loved the most metropolitan portion of the town, with its towering trees and family owned shoppes. But today she wished to get away from the slick concrete sidewalks and door ways huddled with the stranded. She nearly made her way home, the journey edged in water weighted pines and marshy thrushes. Instead, she felt more in the mood for open green spaces and rainbow coloured flowerbeds, their hues muted in the grey wash of rain.

Elena passed the hot dog shop, over the town crossing, and down the tree lined walk that led to the park. She could hear the rush of the River Reedy from where she walked, its waters most likely turbulent with rage against the massive rocks. No one would be wading there today, that was for sure. Most people were staying inside though, especially the varied array of business people, with their good quality suit pants and slippery heels. Elena took comfort in her functional hiking boots and thick denims. It was a good thing she'd taken Victoria's advice and decided against ballet flats and cotton slacks- who knew that the golden morning would have turned into this?

Elena finally came to the falls fountain, and walked carefully to the stony set of stairs. Just because she was agile and hard to break didn't mean she wanted to take a chance of falling and land foolishly at the bottom in a overflowing puddle of rain water. She settled her hand on the slick banister, and made her way slowly down the maze of stairs, and deeper into the park. It seemed as if she were the only one in the park today. The small green fields even lacked the little trains of ducks that most usually frequented the area.

Thudding steps left the rocky walkway, and became muffled in the thick, soaked grass. Elena could feel rain drum heavily against the hood of her coat as she walked, and she watched her feet as she went. Her toes scuffed at the green blades as they passed beneath her. The sound, while most likely quiet, or even non existent, to a human, sounded loud to her trained ears. Everything sounded louder to her, though with time she noticed less and less. Funny how things went.

Elena looked up and around her, surveying her surroundings for the first time since she'd left Main Street. It was difficult even for her to see as far as usual, with the foggy atmosphere that rested on the earth. Rain poured around her, and she hugged her coat tighter to herself. It took a bit for her to notice the lone figure standing far ahead, his head in his hands. Elena cocked her head as she watched the man, her eyes narrowing as she sought to place him. The build, the stance, the way he held himself- it all screamed to her in familiarity.

Elena walked forward slowly, her brows furrowing as watched him. She stopped beneath a cluster of trees, their branches shielding her somewhat from the storm. The pine needles crunched below her feet, and, startled, she saddled to the side a bit. When she looked up, Shayne's head was raised, his intense gaze looking around. He'd tensed visibly, at least to her, and she sighed. Did he never have peace? She thought it must be horrible to be in his place, an antagonist to so many people.

Shayne lowered his head again, his body rigid. He must have heard her. Elena stepped forward, and halved the distance between them in a few long strides. She stood well enough away that he wouldn't snap and strangle her, but close enough that he could see her face, and hear her words clearly. "Hello, Shayne", she said softly, a sad and hesitant smile spreading across her lips. He was so worked up. It mad her sad to see him this way. They could have been so good together. They were so good together. Why did he have to make her choose?
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It seemed years before Shayne finally responded. Elena stood still, her arms wrapped about her, as she waited patiently for this temperamental man to give her his attention. His head lifted slowly, and his eyes locked on her own. Shayne's face, expression stone cold, dullness in his eyes, barely seemed moved by her presence. Elena wasn't sure if the fact should anger her, or make her sad. It certainly didn't make her happy, nor lighten her mood. The glorious rainy day had suddenly turned into what it was for most others- bothersome weather only worth waiting out for sunny skies. Perhaps it did sadden her. For she only felt morose now, and she was pretty positive that she had his presence to thank for such a change in mood.

Shayne glanced around, his gaze searching the park around them. Elena raised a brow. It was all open fields, save for the few clusters of trees and bushes, or even the flower beds. Was he really that paranoid? She wondered if in his abandonment of their pack, he had lost the sense of easy safety they'd cultured. It was odd- but so long had it been since they were alone together, she supposed she couldn't blame him if he thought she had a follower or something. Just checking Gabe wasn't lurking behind one of those bushes, lavender oil and peace speech at the ready... Elena rolled her eyes. Gabriel was hardly the one to jump into a speech at the odd encounter of a friend turned enemy. And was peace so bad a thing? They all had to endure this world- why not make the best of it?

The knavish smile Shayne offered made Elena scowl. She could never tell if, when used, he was being honest and straightforward, or sarcastic and deceitful. I wouldn't get too close. I'm bad for karma... Elena's eyes rolled a second time, though her frowned deepened in sadness. Yes Shayne, you do seem to hurt those nearest you... she thought. Maybe not exactly how he meant, but close enough. She winced slightly at her bitterness. You might actually get something other than talking done. Elena cocked her head. What did Shayne mean by such a thing? Was it a threat? She stared at him, her expression throwing confusion into the muddled mix of emotions displayed across her features.

Shayne's own expression changed slightly for a moment as he stood before her, the iciness melting just the slightest, before it smoothed back over. Elena sighed. It was so intensely difficult for her to read him anymore. She saw so little of him, and he'd changed so much. He was not the same Shayne now that she loved. That Shayne seemed long gone, stolen away in his quest for action, for power. How petty it all seemed, when they stood alone, without the packs or drama to remind them of the reason for the way they lived now. She sometimes wished that none of this had ever happened, naturally. They'd have married, maybe had a couple, or even a few children. Christmas with Gabriel and their parents. It made her wonder if he ever thought as she did.

A thick, gravely sound pulled Elena from her reverie, and she focused her gaze, her eyes shifting to the present, to Shayne's face. His expression was tight, locked, his jaw prominent and lips a thin line. Obviously you didn't come here to find me. Was that emotion? Elena's brows furrowed, and she shifted into a more attentive stance. The leader of so active a pack, the man who served stress to her own pack, the man who'd stolen her heart away only to crush it and even still hold it captive, melted away. Shayne, the Shayne she'd known what seemed now so long ago, seemed to stand before her, if only a shadow of what he'd once been. He relaxed slightly, though visibly, and his gaze dropped.Those days are long gone. Fortunately for you. The laugh that followed was not one of joy, nor contentedness. It seemed a hushing gesture to cover what really might be there- whether it be intolerable anger, or, God forbid, the same empty, forlorn longing she felt now.

Did he really think she was fortunate for losing him? That it came as some benefit to her? Elena sighed deeply, her fingers tucking the strays of her hair into her hood distractedly. What did she say to such a thing? Or should she say anything at all? Her hands stretched out for a moment, before dropping to her sides. It was awful. She didn't know how to be around him, where the limits were, even after all these years. She groaned frustratedly. Shayne... She hesitated. How could you say such a thing? she asked, her voice soft. Elena glared at him, heat rising in her cheeks. How dare he assume that she could be glad that things were different. As if she didn't, hadn't really, actually, whole heartedly, loved him! No, if you must know- I didn't come here to find you, she said, her arms crossing in a huff. I wasn't here for anyone in fact. Just taking a walk, you know. I've always loved this sort of weather...

Elena tilted her head skyward, her gaze turning to the dark grey clouds. Funny how it no longer seems as beautiful as when I first set out, though... Her gaze returned to his, her eyes cold and hurt. You are so... so... She groaned again. Impossible. Yes, impossible. Elena shifted her feet, becoming more fidgety as she fought the urge to unleash however many years of sorrow and pent up anger, and verbally flay him. Her hands gripped into fists as she fought for control. She'd never really had problem with temper, save for when in his presence. How ironic. Do you really think that just because I stayed with Gabriel, chose against your idea, that I would change my feelings toward you? We were engaged for Christ's sake! Elena took a deep breath, that helped very little. She felt like she was about to explode. So long without his solitary presence, and the first chance she got she wanted to scream at him. Pathetic.

I just mean... Elena began, her voice fighting to stay calm. Well, I don't know what I mean. She shrugged, and gave a short scoff. Funny, eh? she asked. Even now you have me tongue tied and at a loss for words... Face it- she was absolutely lost, and didn't even know how to talk to him anymore. She knew how to talk to the old Shayne, knew how to be around him. But for this one, she didn't know the rules, didn't know the ups and downs. She didn't like it. So this is what living forever, having to deal with lost love and all that, is like she said absently. Elena's gaze swept the grey green field about her, and focused on the distant River Reedy. You wouldn't even know, I don't think, she mused. Her eyes moved back to Shayne's face, dreary and dull. She gave a small, sad smile, as if to excuse her words away, the situation. If I'd really loved you, do you seriously think that I could turn it all off, the first moment you left? Her brows raised, her shoulders lifting as if to ask, "heh?". I could never just, I don't know... stop feeling for you? It isn't natural. If anything, I would take back all that's happened, for things to be as they were...
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Elena ran a hand over her face, wiping away the steady stream of water that flowed over her cheeks. Was it from tears, or just the rain? She couldn't be sure now. All she knew was that every moment spent standing here in Shayne's presence hurt her, despite how hard she tried to keep it together and not show him weakness. She was never good at that though.

Shayne took a step back, his movements seeming to rile him up for defense, or to leave. Then he came closer. He was tense, undecided, and Elena could sense his fustration coming from him even through the chilled air between them. She sighed and folded her arms, waiting for his rebuttal which was sure to come. It made her wonder if he'd scream, or keep some of his cool and use that terse tone that made the veins in his neck stand out. She hated when he spoke like that most, and she dreaded it.

It wasn't a surprise then, that he did use it. Sarcasm and fury tainted the tone of his voice like poison and needles, brewed exactly the way that would hurt her most. "You think I wouldn't know, eh?" Shayne asked, his voice coming swiftly and shortly in a way that still surprised her. The grin that turned his lips was evil as it flashed her, and his laugh was taunting. "You know what?" he asked her. "You're right. You're bloody right."

Elena recoiled slightly, her features wincing in his hateful admittance. She was right? She didn't want to be right. Her brows narrowed feverishly as she listened on, unable to interrupt him. Shayne's fists were frozen by his side, shaking in place as his own features darkened. "Love is a mutual thing, right? Unconditional. As in you support each other through everything." Ah, so that was what he was getting at. Elena took a deep breath. He had to be joking.

"So I can't know what it feels like to lose a love, because I never really had you. You upped and backed out as soon as the going got tough..." Shayne seethed as he spoke, each word biting Elena. "Some support that was. When I find out, I'll let you know so you can refine that little act you have going there."

Elena's eyes blazed. He thought she was lying?!? She glared at him, heat rising through her body as she fought for control. Her chest rose and fell as she breathed, each attempt to rear in the fury he was stirring harder than the last. The pointed finger that he thrust into her face made her jerk, nearly losing her grip on herself.

"In the meantime - don't fucking preach to me ... making me feel bad when you were the one who betrayed me when I needed you most. You made your choice. I know where I stand. You sure you do?"

Elena stood still, her eyes fuming as she glared stiffly at him. You sure you do? How dare he ask her to question where she stood. She knew very well where she stood, and that it was indeed the right place. He stood in a spot bloodied with the souls of innocent people, of petty ideals, of weak minded whims. Shayne would never claim the upper hand, nor that what he was doing was strong, or even right.

"It is a whole lot tougher to stand there and not fight, Shayne!" she screamed at him, knocking his hand and insolent finger from her way. The tears rolled now, though they were not tears of sadness. Tears of fustration, of madness, sizzled against her burning cheeks. Her skin blazed with fury, as a thick pressure began to build in her chest. "You think you are so strong, so right, so utterly ordained to go out and war with innocent people, people who are nearly oblivious to our existence, except for your indecent forays into the city?!?" She moved closer to him, drawing herself as tall as her petite frame would allow.

"The only ones that you even have a somewhat good reason to fight against are the covens, Shayne!" Elena leered at him, her lips pulled back slightly over her white teeth. It was all she could do to not phase at that moment and tear him clean. The pressure, before dull and painless, was now beginning to ache, to tear at her insides. "But the people, the citizens, they have done nothing to you! And as for the covens, they fear us! The don't understand, and have grown up under the need of the elders to take us out! They need to understand us, to know that we are not dangerous! That is what I fight for, what Gabe fights for, what our whole pack fights for! And you ruin it all! You and your petty followers!"

Elena took deeper breaths, trying desperately to calm herself. But it was to no avail. Her hands, even her arms shook with the fustration that raged within her. "You don't think it's hard for us to not fight back? They call us demons, monstrosities, the evil! You don't think that doesn't hurt us? But we have the strength to hold our own, to not give in to their ignorant claims against us! For their own good! It is nearly as hard for us as it would be for you. But you give in. You let them infuriate you, and give in to what they want most- a fight. And even worse, you bring innocent people into it. People who have nothing at all to do with our state of being."

Elena groaned, releasing a bit of fustration that only flowed back in to fill her anxiety anew. "You left for something wrong, for something that I could not stand behind. It is utterly against my nature. I couldn't see your needs? What about my own needs? You should have known me, known that I would never have followed someone, no matter how dear to me, who would have wanted such a thing as you did!" She raised her clenched fists, shaking them in emphasis of her words. Why did she even try? What was the use? But it was too late, now. He had her going.

"They were our brothers, our sisters. It was not our fault that they were fearful of us! I would have been too. What would you have done, if I was bitten but you weren't? Would you have gone with me? Or would you have feared me? Your hatred is so strong now. I wonder if your temper always was this strong before. I hadn't noticed." Elena glared at Shayne, still breathing deeply as she waited for her fury to subside. It didn't feel like it was going anywhere, though. It was getting worse, heat riling her as the thick pain in her chest grew.

"And as for love being unconditional, where do you come in with that?" she asked, her tone mocking through the angry words. "If it was so unconditional, why did you spur me? When I decided to stay with Gabe, you couldn't get away quick enough! Do you hate me now?" Elena reached out and cupped his chin between her fingers, forcing him to look at her. The touch sered her skin, but she didn't care. "Do you hate me? You hate what I stand for, what I believe in. It's part of me. You can't avoid that. Or is that hate apart from what you could feel for me?" She seethed quietly as she withdrew her hand, but her gaze still held his. "I don't hate you. I hate what you stand for, what you do. But it would take much more than that to make me hate you."

"I don't love you, though." Her words were quieter, though still hot with a hefty measure of fury. "Not the man you are now. I don't know that man. He is completely different. But the man you used to be, I did love him. Very much. I still do. But you changed." She came still closer, till he was mere centimeters from her, her shoulders squared. It was hard to look into his eyes. They had something of both the new and the old Shayne in them. Her own eyes teemed with bitterness. She felt like a fight now, but still couldn't bring herself to incite one. Despite everything, there was enough of Shayne, her Shayne, in him to keep him dear. "You are so different. We have lifetimes, maybe even eternity." She cocked her head, her gaze staring, searching his own. "I wonder if you'll ever be him again."