27 July, 2008 (7:50pm) - 6 August, 2008 (1:19am)
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The mass bodies of students have finally started to go their separate ways with looks of disappointment on their faces. The teachers thought it was time the bonfire party type thing ended and had once again taken authority. It was only a matter of time Caelen thought as he watched the students from above. Any teacher involved thing would of course be cut short before any actual fun started, well it didn’t matter to him. It wasn’t as if he was there to actually take part in the rave, no it was a lot more personal than that. And that of course also explained why he has been standing up on a branch for the past two hours or so. Good thing that the trees were so deeply rooted or it would have surely collapsed under dead weight by now.
His dark eyes searched the crowd quickly as his reason for coming got lost among them. One blink of the eyes it seemed and now he couldn’t locate her and of course he couldn’t trust his other senses at the moment because there were too many students present. He’d follow someone whom he thought was her then end up being disappointed. This happened two times so far in the past hour. How was it he kept taking his eyes of off her for so little time and lose track of her? It was anger and paranoia that caused it.
Every so often he thought she glanced in his direction and he panicked and moved away. The reality of it was she couldn’t even see his form from where he stood so there was no way she’d see his face. Last time Caelen was with Aife she wasn’t able to find him without the use of her eyes so unless that changed in the short time he was gone there was no reason for this paranoia. Well… there was also the possibility that it might have been guilt driving him to act so fidgety. But Caelen didn’t see any reason at all for him to feel guilty. It didn’t appear that Aife missed him with the way she paraded around wearing close to nothing, well in his mind, and flirted so openly. Nope, it seemed like she was perfectly happy in his absence.
Annoyance took him over and Caelen jumped from his spot to another branch further away. He landed gracefully being careful to not add all his weight so the branch didn’t give out, finally he found what he was looking for. A head of red hair shining brightly even in the dark night. It seemed the new friend she’s made has finally allowed her to go her separate way. That was stupid in his opinion since this was the forest, and anyone alone was in danger of being a victim. He found out the hard way long ago and was still dealing with the consequences. Caelen uncrossed his arms from his chest to plant his hands deep into his pockets as he considered jumping to the ground to walk behind her.
There were too many things wrong with that idea which was why he stood still and continued to watch her leave. He wasn’t really worried about her seeing him but was more worried about what would happen. Possessive nature got the best of him after about the first thirty minutes of watching from above and well he wasn’t very happy. Though it was true that the way he left with no explanation was very abrupt it didn’t mean she was single or something… and she was acting as if she was. He was right to get upset in his own mind and it was definitely not jealousy. Caelen Sage didn’t get jealous; those words just didn’t fit together when describing him. It was just pure anger because he still considered Aife to be his... whatever she was before he left.
Once his panicked state of mind was sure Aife would no longer feel his eyes fixed on her Caelen jumped from the branch to land quietly on the ground. One slow step for every two or three she made as he followed behind focused on keeping out of eyesight. He didn’t even breathe any longer, the habit was now far gone in the short time he had left to collect himself. It was something he was glad to get rid off as it meant now he was in more control of his senses than before. If he didn’t feel like inhaling her scent he wouldn’t. Another couple of steps further and they were deeper into the forest, it seems that Aife didn’t know her way around as well she thought. For some strange reason he couldn’t explain this made him rather happy. That’s what she gets for going to a rave party in the middle of the night.
Caelen stayed far back as Aife stopped in frustration and threw her silent tantrum. The dark forest was extremely confusing in this time of night and for humans it was impossible to find your way out. They had completely wandered off the path and now she was probably worried about being lost. Without meaning to a low laugh escaped his lips at the entertainment he was receiving. He would have felt sorry for her being lost if he wasn’t angry at her right now. Caelen quickly realized his slip up as the redhead turned her eyes quickly in his directions. He moved away quickly unsure of if she saw him or not and ran up to take his place on a thick branch that was connected to the deepest rooted tree around them. Now he felt a little guilty… it looked like he really was hiding from her after all.
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Aife moved through the crowd of dancers, closer to the cooler air that surrounded the group. It was blazing hot amidst the crowd, most certainty in the middle. It took her near to five minutes to just get out of the horde, pushing and shoving past the gyrating couples and groups of colourful bouncers. The music was pulsing, and the lights only elevated the effect, flashing through the air and beating on and off with the passing of every nano second. But enough was enough, and Aife's head had taken to pounding along with the beat. She pushed through the edge, and finally landed on the outskirts of the meadow. It seemed like tonight, everyone was dancing, no matter their social, relationship, or school status. Everything and anything was fair tonight, and it seemed like the students and professors alike were using the rave as an excuse to let themselves go and do whatever came to mind first.
Aife stumbled across the field toward the littered drink stand, past the huddles of couples eating face or arguing- though from where she stood there didn't seem like much of a difference. The couples brought a flash thought to the forefront of her mind- something that had been happening more and more lately, no matter how much she tried to forget him. Tangled bodies, vibrant red lips parted against her creamy white skin, her slender fingers clasped to golden locks... She'd tried everything- from flying practice amongst the tangled branches of the enchanted woods, to throwing herself curls deep into classes, to keep him far from her mind. But never for long was the man who'd left, though absent in presence, with neither a goodbye kiss nor even a short farewell note, her heart tucked amongst his trunks, absent from her mind.
A new wave of throbbing beats brought Aife back to the present, and she glanced about, her gaze ranging from the wildly dressed, daringly close ravers, to the resting bunches of students that lined the meadow's edge. It was blaringly loud, and despite the energy she'd felt earlier amongst her friends, Aife now felt no urge to join the throng again. Instead, she grabbed her discarded blue vest from its place beneath the drink table and turning, took the battered path out of the field, her arms wrapped around her sides. She could hear the muffled moans and rustling branches that escaped from the dark about her as she walked down the pathway, the air about her lit only with the bright, magical orbs that hung about her body. They'd seemed a good idea earlier that night, as replacement for the neon coloured wires that seemed to be the norm. Now, however, she felt like a target for any beasts that might be brazen enough to come close to the short path that led to the open Beauxbatons grounds.
Aife cursed beneath her breath, and wondered why she'd worn something that so absolutely couldn't conceal a wand. She tugged at the tulle of her skirt, as if trying to make it longer, but it was to no avail. What had she been thinking? She never wore clothes such as these. But it was a fun night, and they'd made quite a splash amongst people she knew. Apparently, quite a few Beauxbatons students thought of different attire when they attended a rave, and she'd only seen a few other people sporting the furry boots that she wore in black. Slipping an arm through one opening of her vest, Aife began to untwist the braids that held her hair. Her fiery hair was much longer than it had been when she first came to school, and straightened it tended to reach halfway down her back.
So many things had changed, and it didn't take long for change to happen. Aife told herself this sometimes, especially when she was mooning too much over the runaway Caelen Sage. He'd warned her, though- it wasn't his fault. She kept telling herself that as well. He couldn't be there for her like a normal person, they couldn't be together like normal people. Apparently that also meant they couldn't part like other people as well. "Deep breath..." Aife thought. An other new habit of hers. That damn vampire, even when he was most likely thousands of miles away, could still make her heart beat wildly, or her lungs hyperventilate. Aife paused in the ministrations on her hair, letting the waves fall as she looked around. She should have been out of the forest by now, but all she could see beyond the closest trees was blackness.
"Damnit..." she cursed loudly, one furry foot giving a nearby stump a kick. Was she lost? Aife cringed as she looked around. The clear path she'd began to travel upon taking leave of the rave was now merely a weedy patch of dirt traveling amongst the maze of trees and bushes that plagued the Enchanted Woods. "Fuuuu...." Aife's words died as she realized what was happening. Lost, in her vocabulary, was a four letter word. Especially when it came to the dark recesses of magical woods, coupled with the lonely silence of isolated company. Aife groaned, louder now, and gave a great heaving sigh. "Why the fxck do I have to get lost?!?" she exclaimed into the night. Her gaze traveled around her as she searched the dismal trails edge frantically, and then she glanced downward at her feet. "And dressed such as this!?!" she exclaimed again.
Aife was beginning to feel like she was asking for it. Practice flying in the forest and get an encounter with a starving vamp- how ironic. Go to the rave of the season and get lost in the fxcking Enchanted Forest- just not fair. Then she got a thought. Turn around, and come back the way you came. Right? But now, she'd turned so many times, and failed to keep count, that she didn't even know which way she came. An aggravated huff and mad pounds at the air escaped her and she stomped her feet. "No. fxcking. Way..." she muttered angrily. She aimed for a nearby tree, and nearly swung a foot for it when she caught a deep, throaty sound. A laugh. Aife paused before she even disconnected her foot with the earth beneath her. She knew that laugh...
Aife turned her head, facing behind her as she searched the darkness. She couldn't tell where it had come from exactly, but she knew it wasn't in front of her. It had to have been his laugh- had to. She took a few steps, peering out before her as she walked, but she couldn't see a thing. But then, what if it was just a creature beyond the trail, or a stalker from the party? Or even worse, possibly- a crazed trick of her mind? Aife nodded. That had to be it. It was his laugh, after all. Deep, hearty, low, velvety... words didn't begin to describe the timber that belong solely to him... Aife paused, and stopped in her steps. She didn't need to search. It wasn't real. He wouldn't come back, and most certainly wouldn't care enough to come find her. She didn't matter. "Remember that..." she told herself. "You don't matter", she breathed into the air.
Aife plopped onto the ground, her shoulders sagging as she wrapped her arms around her knees. Great. She was lost, first of all, and secondly, she'd opened the trap door that brought to mind all things Caelen. Aife groaned angrily, her eyes blinking as she fought to keep back the tears that threatened to overflow. It was hopeless. Not so much the being lost part- hopefully that would turn out all right. But more so the Caelen part. She had to stop thinking about him. It wasn't an option. She couldn't break into random tears any more, use dangerous pastimes to keep him hedged from her mind, or keep feeling guilty for flirting with boys while she considered herself, deep down, completely and utterly taken, in nearly every form of the word. Even so, her shoulders sagged deeper, and her breaths came shorter as she thought of the possibility of letting all memories, and all feelings of possession over the vampire go. It was something that she didn't know if she could do, without coming out somehow shortened.
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Slowly he inched farther away from view but closer to the edge of the branch. Despites his rational mind he was still fighting to keep his eyes on her. Whether she saw him or not quickly disappeared as his confidence in his abilities quickly returned. He hasn’t even been back a whole day yet and already being in Aife’s presence was making him do things he wouldn’t normally do. It really is no question as to why he left; the girl was clouding his mind and reason had told him it was best to get away. Though it might have ended things better to speak to her… maybe, the other part of him had wanted to but Caelen was sure if he took that chance than he wouldn’t have left at all. It was better if she was angry with him he decided, he’s been pushing people away since he was turned and well they got over it and Aife would too. No big deal.
He was of course wrong about that also. Even hundreds of miles away from she interrupted his thoughts daily and long speeches from his sire has driven him back to Beauxbatons. Bernard had gotten very tired of his cold and sour mood very quickly and told him it’d be best to return. It actually didn’t take much convincing as he wanted to go back anyway, but it was some sort of the push he needed. The only reason for returning was Aife and well he wasn’t sure what he’d say to her when he reached. Bernard had said it wouldn’t matter and the trip would ease his mind, he could get some… closure? That sounded good at the time but now being here and watching her for the past two hours he realized closure was not what he wanted or needed.
Denial and stubbornness wouldn’t let him admit what it was he did need and that’s why he didn’t want to be seen by her. Words would start slipping out before he realized them just like he always did when they were together. Angry or not it would be forgiveness he’d ask of her and talk about his regrets and Caelen wanted to avoid that. He wanted to turn away and go back to Italy and just let all thoughts of Aife and any fantasy of them being together he actually had out of his head. Things would be best that way he knew but he was simply incapable of leaving her. He needed to be near to her, reason be damned. He was already use to torturing himself what was a couple of more hours? It seemed his sire was right about labeling him a class A masochist. It didn’t matter, there was no need to try and justify his actions to anyone.
"You don't matter" His acute hearing picked her low words and Caelen leaned closer. Emotions danced across her face and flashed very quickly from surprise to anger or sadness. He couldn’t even be sure of what exactly he was seeing, it was rare for him to see Aife with anything other than her caring shy nature and so he didn’t quite figure out how to read the other things such as despair or regret. It seemed that she’s given up and Aife sat down on the ground with her arms wrapped around her knees. She looked so very fragile right than that he was again reminded how this was a bad idea. He wanted to come out and say some remark that would cause her to blush madly but that was very impossible to accomplish right now. He was sure the girl didn’t want to see him let alone let him comfort her, but the idea was tempting.
The seconds ticked away very slowly as he watched her fight back the tears that were threatening to fall. It was obvious something else was on her mind and bothering her, he was sure Aife was a lot more collected to cry for getting lost. There had to be something more intense and all he wanted to do was comfort her though in his mind he was sure that would cause more damage than before. Not to mention there was the guilt of knowing that he was the cause of this current pain. He wasn’t that self-centered to assume he was on her mind but Caelen knew that he did hurt her and couldn’t help his thoughts.
She pulled closer into herself and Caelen decided he couldn’t stand and watch anymore. Aife looked too broken for him to handle and watching made him feel very strange in a perverse sort of way. He had two options which were turn away or continue forward in her direction. Since his body didn’t like to cooperate with his mind he took a leap off of the branch to land on the forest ground below without making a sound. He took a deep breath and immediately regretted, now his senses were once again flooded with nothing but Aife and there was no way he would be to convince himself to leave. He stood still for a moment trying to block out her scent and the fact that he was already behaving like a fool but it didn’t work.
It was now a matter of keeping his mouth shut and not saying anything he didn’t mean to but he had to go say something or he’d be driven insane. Calm and collected façade in place Caelen walked forward. His steps quiet as to not alarm her until he was within view. He walked harder than making sure to crush some leaves as he did so, the last thing he wanted was for her to accuse him of scaring her. As he walked closer Caelen pulled his hands from his pockets to cross them in front of his chest. Now came the hard part, he needed something to say that didn’t sound like he was miserable.
This was actually a lot easier to do than he thought. It was mostly because he’s had a hundred years of experience of doing such a thing. ”You know…” Caelen began and avoided her gaze as she looked up. ”It really isn’t safe for you to be out here… alone at this time” His voice came out smooth as velvet and the words he spoke held nothing but air as the hard mask he’s perfected finally snapped into place. ”Especially dressed like that…” he added lower than the others as he looked over her quickly. Still making sure to avoid her gaze he walked forward some more until he could lean against a thin tree that had blocked his full view.
”There are dangerous things out here you know… ready to pounce and all. Wolves, vampires… and here you go just waltzing in ready to give them a show…” He stopped and gritted his teeth slightly at his first slip up. It came out angry instead of sarcastic and that was a mistake on his part. He was suppose to be taunting her not showing her that he actually cared that she had purposely drawn more eyes to her than necessary. Caelen pulled his eyes from her and leaned his head back against the tree to look at the dark almost starless night. There was an inward struggle going on with half of his mind trying to act as if her presence wasn’t affecting him and the other pissed because he was on the verge of severing things beyond fixing. Now the only thing left was waiting for her reply, than he could point the way out of the forest and well… go back to stalking her. Sounded like a good enough plan.
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Aife pulled herself farther into the hold of her arms, her head ducking into the lap formed by her raised knees and caved body. The thought of letting Caelen go, and whatever it was that they had, was nearly to much for her to think of. But it couldn't have been much for him to let her go. No, there was no way that he put even an inkling of feeling into his departure. He'd shown that with Haley- hadn't he? Take her blood one week, fxck that girl the next. It just showed how much he really cared, about what she thought, about what happened to them. It didn't matter to him- that was obvious. She tried with difficulty to etch the thought into her mind over and over again, but it did little to help the empty burning sensation she felt in her chest whenever he fought through the words and came to mind.
Aife sighed, breathing deeply in attempt to keep the sobs away. She couldn't contain these feelings- the loneliness, the sorrow, utter brokenness, guilt for not being strong enough to pull through. These were her symptoms. The symptoms, it seemed, of a broken heart. It terrorized her daily, and nightly. Not that she wanted them to. Oh no. It would have all been too perfect if one day she were to wake and all the bad things that Caelen had left in his wake were finally gone. Why was it that she felt to much, that she loved so wholly? Love. She scoffed. What did that have to do with it. Caelen was very much apart from the feeling, that was obvious. In fact, it seemed to her, with each passing day, nay, each passing thought, that he felt little else than selfishness and the like.
Aife contemplated rising, and trying to find her way through the forests and back to the meadow. But the blackness and silence fit her mood, and at the moment, she felt indulgent. It was too bad for her that she wasn't entirely self destructive. She knew those actions helped many people, but yet again, she wasn't strong enough. Time ticked by slowly, only warranted by the steady black that surrounded her. She wondered why time came slowly only when one didn't want it to. With Caelen- time flew. And when they were apart, it dragged, seemingly endless. She remembered the days in school when she would attend her classes, one half of her mind on the lesson, and the other on when she might see the vampire again. He seemed crucial to her being. It made her feel pathetic, but only when he left her in such a way. Which, now that she thought about it, he seemed to do quite a bit.
"You know..." Aife froze. That voice. Same as the laugh. "Oh no..." she muttered. "I am going crazy..." she thought sadly. Steeling herself, Aife's gaze moved slowly to the side, almost afraid of what she might see. At first it was difficult to make out things around her. Her eyes were blurred from the daunted tears, and her mind muddled in confusion. Finally, she fell on a figure not yet quite out of the woods, but close enough to be a shadowy form beyond the trail. "It really isn't safe for you to be out here... alone at this time..." The same voice as always, so capable of taking control of the beat of her heart.
At this moment, her heart was speeding steadily, hammering against her chest, harder than it had at all during the pounding beats of the rave's music. "Especially dressed like that...", Caelen said, his voice low and to her dismay, tantalizing, wanton, tormenting... "Oh fxck..."Aife groaned silently. She fought to take her eyes from the shrouded figure which gazed at her, but everything about him screamed Caelen, from the trademark, teasing expression to the arrogant, careful way that he walked. It was more than she'd hoped to see in what felt like a very long time.
Caelen leaned against a tree, his arms crossed and gaze avoiding her own. Aife cocked her head, her eyes staring. Was it a dream? Or was she finally going insane. If so, depending on the way things went. insanity could be a heavenly blessing, or a hellish nightmare. Only time would tell. "There are dangerous things out here, you know..." he teased. His voice was languid, easy. "Ready to pounce and all. Wolves, vampires..." Aife rolled her eyes. "And here you go just waltzing in ready to give them a show..." His last words were tinged with anger and bitterness, quite unlike his steady taunting that Aife was used to. She glared at him as he stood there, his head leaning back to rest against the tree, leaving the milky white skin of his neck open to view.
Aife sat still for a moment or two, trying desperately to reign in her thoughts. This wasn't really Caelen. How could it be? First of all, if it was, he would be back at the rave, partying the night away, or bundled down with some female vampire, playing with some kind of heinous torture device, be it barbed wire or tipped lances. Right? That was, after all, the Caelen her mind had drawn for her in his absence. No matter what he was like in person with her, it was the things he did and said behind her back that mattered. She looked up at him, his being relaxed and nonchalant at her presence. So what did it mean, that he acted careless before her? It didn't mean the opposite, did it? "Gah..." She was too confused. After a moment, she pushed herself up, till she stood in the middle of the path.
Aife moved forward, her arms reaching out she tentatively touched the cloth of his jacket. "Real...?" she said, her words rife with confusion. He couldn't be... could he? Or... she looked up at him, yearning for him to meet her gaze. "I'm crazy..." she said softly. Daft, dotty, insane, demented... call it what you like. But she had to be one of those, or he was really there. "I know you can't be real, sure... but I must say, that your reality is a fxcking asshole..." She glared at him, and backed down, till she was again in the midst of the path. "Leaving me here all alone, only to find out the truth of his actions... he really is a jerk", she said sadly. "I just... I don't know. I don't understand why he would toy with me so, when all he had to do was leave me alone..." She thought about the break before last, when she'd kept herself sad and sorrowful, despite her friend Lunette's assumptions that he was a jerk. It seemed, though, that she was right. And she was in so much deeper now...
"Now...", Aife began, one hand tugging at the ends of her wavy red locks, while the other wrapped itself around her waist. "He's gone away, and taken a few things of mine with him..." Her tone was low, sorrowful. "You know, my sanity... reason... my heart... all that good stuff..." She looked at the form before her, her eyes meeting his. He looked so much like Caelen. He had the act down pat, that was for sure- from the way he leaned against the tree, to how he held his slender white fingers. It was perfect. But he couldn't really be him. Not really. It was hard, even now, to believe that he could stand before her so careless, heedless of what even his mere presence was doing to her. Like he didn't care. Like she didn't matter. She stood straight, pulling herself to her full height. Her icy gaze held the phantom Caelen's. "Don't you dare fxck with me." And with that, she turned to make her way down one direction of the dark path.
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Though his dark eyes were fixed so completely on the sky above them Caelen could almost see Aife staring at him. He could feel it was more like it, the confused glare that she was sending his way made it even harder to keep focus on the sole blinking star that he noticed. This was a bad idea, he spoke inwardly to himself as the annoying little habit of breathing once again started to come forward. He took a breath at an attempt of clearing his mind and exhaled slowly, almost wishing that by the time he was done this was some horribly twisted dream. But wishes were for fools and well considering he didn’t dream, or sleep, it was useless.
He shifted almost nervously against the tree and tried another breath to clear his mind but every time he did so he only took in more and more Aife. It was hard to ignore her presence when his senses were flooded with her, it was also more than annoying. The quietness after his words were spoken had become very tensed and the only sound was of her breathing. Though Caelen was happy that at least he had done something right as he noticed she was no longer struggling with tears. The shortened breaths had also stopped and Aife was very still. He would have been afraid that she fell asleep if he didn’t feel her piercing gaze.
She pushed herself up suddenly and he brought her head down to face in her direction. The movement brought him back to attention and he wanted to see what it was that the girl was going to do so he could react just as fast. While he knew Aife couldn’t physically really hurt him that didn’t mean it would stop her from trying, Veelas did have nasty tempers after all and he wasn’t in the right mood to be calm and except her blows. She walked towards him and his brows narrowed slightly at the look on her face. It almost appeared as if she was more dazed than confused and that was causing him to feel alarmed. Well for her at least.
Aife reached forward to touch him and Caelen’s gaze followed the movement of her arm. He was glad that she wasn’t looking directly at his face as that would have made it that much harder to avoid her gaze. He hasn’t yet mastered that part of his mask yet. She touched the jacket and pulled back with a look of confusion and Caelen raised an eyebrow in response. He parted his lips to speak, and make a smart ass comment, but Aife beat him to the chase with her own unsure words. "Real...?" she spoke confused and it finally clicked in what was happening. Aife thought she was seeing things, that was… strange. Now he really was worried, she couldn’t have gone insane in such little time could she? Well it would explain her outfit… his Aife would never have worn something so... bold.
"I'm crazy..." She spoke looking up quickly to catch his eye but Caelen was faster. He knew what would happen if he slipped and did that and he wasn’t looking forward to it. Aife backed away and just as quickly as she did so her mood changed, the confusion was replaced by anger and when he looked at her again he saw the glare evident on her face. Careful to not look into her eyes for long he decided to study other things about her like the narrowed eyebrows that made her look more childish than menacing, but of course he wasn’t going to comment on that. I know you can't be real, sure... but I must say, that your reality is a fxcking asshole…. Leaving me here all alone, only to find out the truth of his actions... he really is a jerk" Aife spoke quickly knocking him out of his thoughts as she glared at him. Though he was sure she meant them out of anger they only came out with pain and sadness.
I just... I don't know. I don't understand why he would toy with me so, when all he had to do was leave me alone..." She spoke again through the quiet between them. He didn’t really have anything in mind to say about her small outburst so he decided to simply let her vent some more. It was obvious by the way that she held herself that there was a lot to say and she hasn’t even begun. But now her voice sounded lower than before and none of the anger that was on her face portrayed through her words. It was only sorrow that he heard in her voice and words, Too much to even think of an excuse for himself or explain that he didn’t toy with her. He could only listen and face the hard truth that he was hoping to avoid for well… ever.
“Now...", It seemed Aife had a lot more to say and Caelen just decided to let her continue her vent. It wasn’t as if he was able to form words anyhow. His mind was reeling but coming up with blanks whenever he caught her eyes for even a second. "He's gone away, and taken a few things of mine with him...” Caelen felt guilty now for allowing her to continue. The way she held herself made her seem all too delicate and again his mind was gearing up for flight. He just really could not face this but his body refused to cooperate. If his legs were working properly there was no doubt that he would leave and get as far away from her as possible. You know, my sanity... reason... my heart... all that good stuff..." Aife finished lowly and again he tried to think of something to say. It seemed to him that she was just full of accusations and Caelen couldn’t stand to hear them.
Again he came up with nothing and he really didn’t know what else to do at this point. Aife looked up and he held her stare for about thirty seconds longer than he needed to before looking past her. All the pain was evident and masked by anger but Caelen was too good with mask to know when someone was trying to fool him. The only solution he saw in front of him was to stand here until she walked away. She already believed that she was seeing things so it wouldn’t be suspicious if he stayed quiet but that would make things worse he was sure. What’s the point of coming back if he’s going to stand around and pretend to be a trick of her mind for the entire time.
"Don't you dare fxck with me." her words came out hard and icy and he stared shocked as it seemed like she had read his mind. He knew that wasn’t quite possible but still her words surprised him. He has never heard her swear before and this bitter angry person was not the person that he remembered. Aife turned away than storming in her anger down the path which she came and Caelen released a low breath. It was annoying how she made him feel so bad about himself when he was sure Aife had a bigger hold on him than he did on her. He watched her walk away muttering to herself before pushing off the tree to follow behind her. He had succeeded in what he wanted to do which was keep her from crying and now he could continue with his plan the only problem was now that she had already began speaking to him he didn’t want her to stop. Even if she verbally abusing him, it was better than nothing at all.
”You’re going the wrong way…” He called from behind her and stuffed his hands back into his pockets. Aife ignored him either not hearing him or not caring but Caelen couldn’t handle being ignored by her. With the help of his vampiric speed he had moved from his spot to stand in front of her before she could take her next. All just to get her attention, he really was a class A masochist but he was ok with that. ”You’re going the wrong way” He repeated softly this time with the trademark sarcastic smile gone from his face. He held the mask in place keeping his face cold and unreadable as he spoke. ”I really do not want to play hide and go seek with you right now… I’ll show you the way to the castle” His words held the sarcastic tone he was aiming for but he made sure to keep the emotions off of his face as he spoke.
He reached forward to take her hand but thought better of it and settled on her shoulder. He wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted to stop being a figment of her imagination since that would make this so much easier but he felt like he needed to do something to make her listen. ”and I did leave you alone but you refused to stay away” Caelen spoke softly as he turned her so that she faced a new direction and path. ”Don’t blame me for your mistake” He finished coldly and turned his gaze from her as to avoid seeing whatever emotion his harsh words would derive from her.
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Aife wrapped both of her arms around her as she walked, her blue vest tight in one fist. Her feet stomped as she went, though she didn't realize it. It seemed her whole body knew she was lost, even if she didn't. "You're going the wrong way..." Aife could hear Caelen's words float behind her, but she ignored their arrogant tone in favour of the blackness before her. "Pffft.... Wrong way my ass... what do you know..." she grumbled angrily. A whiff of cold air, and she stopped suddenly before she hit the cloth clad wall before her. "You're going the wrong way..." Caelen said softly, his lips pert and eyes serious.
Aife waited for him to move, but Caelen stayed firmly in her path. She looked up at him, glaring at his undaunted features. It baffled her- he simply did not care. "I really do not want to play hide and go seek with you right now..." he said sternly. Aife grumbled to herself. She felt like a school girl when he talked to her like that. And, well, he was much older than she was, she knew that much. But even so... "I'll show you the way to the castle..." His voice was sarcastic, typical for Caelen, yes. But his face- it was completely emotionless, like a sheet of glass. Aife stared at him, trying to figure out what was really going on in the mind behind his face. It went through her time and again- did he really not care?
Caelen's arm reached forward, and Aife steeled herself as it seemed he was going to touch her hand. He checked himself, though, and instead reached for her shoulder. His hand began to push gently at the bone of her shoulder as he spoke to her. "And I did leave you alone, but you refused to stay away..." Aife opened her mouth to argue, but Caelen continued first, his tone soft and steady. "Don't blame me for your mistake." These words were icy cold, and pounded in her mind as she received them. Don't blame me for your mistake... Who the hell did he think she was?
Aife turned around, bringing her back to face the formerly phantom Caelen. My mistake?!?" she exclaimed. "Well!" She unfolded her arms, and placed her fists on her hips. "I think you know very well what you were doing that first break when you came gliding into the Room of Requirement like you were Merlin's gift to the magical world! You could have stayed away! You could have let me just let you go, get over you, go find some other sordid boy to be with!" Aife huffed as she took a deep breath. She hadn't been prepared to make such an exclamation, but she was just starting. "You know exactly what you are capable of, I'm sure!"
Aife walked closer to Caelen, their bodies coming with a few centimeters of each other. "I did not come looking for you, and you know it!" she exclaimed again. She turned around as if to leave him in her dust, but swung back around to face him, her brows furrowed angrily. "This is not my mistake... Oh, no... Not mine at all..." she cried, her words turning to laughter. "How dare you, Caelen fxcking Sage...", she said lowly, her words emphasized with a finger pointed jab in the middle of his chest. "You accuse me of fault, while you were the one who just reeled me in, took me for what I could give, and then left me behind as you went gallivanting off to Merlin only knows where!?!" Aife groaned loudly, and let her arms fall to her sides.
What was there to do? Caelen obviously didn't care, it was beyond him apparently to feel any kind of emotion. Though she did seem to remember a few exceedingly well expressed emotions in their past, but maybe he was just a good actor. If so, he played his part very well indeed... Aife looked up at him, then buried her face in her hands. "What am I to do..." she said miserably. She looked back up at him, her arms held to her chest. "You don't even care" she cried as she registered the blank look on his face. He certainly was good at it. "After all that, you don't care... but then why would you..." She turned again, and began to make her way down the right direction of pathway.
"I mean, I, of all people should know that..." Aife said, her tone normal, though shaky in her emotional state. He would hear her- hear every word. "I mean, it is rather obvious- you didn't even bother to tell me about your little vamp friend..." She paused in her walking, and turned back to look at Caelen. "Oh yes, I know about Haley. Told me herself, she did..." A smile came to Aife's lips as she saw his expression alter momentarily to one of slight shock. "How did that go, by the way? Must have been very nice, not having to be careful with her and all..." She knew that quite possibly she was crossing a few lines, but wasn't that what Caelen was best at?
"Why not choose a more pleasurable sort of pain? I seem to remember you're good with that... not that it matters, of course." Aife halted, and turned around, her expression thoughtful. "But then, maybe that's not what gets you- the pleasure. Maybe, just maybe, you have this sick, twisted attraction to people in real pain, be it physically or emotionally... or even mentally..." She gave a cheeky grin to the vampire. "That might be my state, after all... I mean, I can't even be one hundred percent sure that you are real, and something tells me that you are not... After all, why in the hell would you come to me upon your return? Hmmm?" Aife watched Caelen silently as he registered her words.
Throughout the course of the one sided argument, or be it questionnaire, Aife struggled to keep her cool, to stay one step ahead of Caelen. But the words did not stop as she spoke, and they idled in her mind. Thoughts of what it must have looked like as he toyed with Haley, the pale faced, ebony haired vamp, or what he might have been doing away from school. But most painful of all was the fact that he just did not care. The one fact that kept coming back to Aife, time and again. The one that she just did not want to believe. After all, how could he not care? How could he do what he did, and just not care?
"You just left..." Aife said aloud, her tone confused. "I cannot understand how someone could give an other something so supposedly precious..." Her voice broke as she weakly fought back new, unshed tears. "I thought it was important. And maybe I am being some thing of a psycho ex girlfriend right now, but... it should have been important, Caelen!" she cried. She was done now with level headed coolness. It wasn't in her to thrash out calmly. "It was important to me! You knew that! And it was all for us, so that we could be together without you trying ruin whatever it was that we had! And now?!? Now it is all for nothing! Nothing, Caelen!"
Aife fought back a sob and failed. Her fist clutched at her chest, and she tried to breath evenly, though the effort was wasted. "This is not my fault! This is your fault!" she cried. "You are the one who made all this happen! You asked me to the dance, you told me about your vampirism, you made nice with me twice in the Room of Requirement, and you, yes you, chose to take my blood!!!"
Aife paused, renewing the battle to keep her tears in check. But it was to no avail. Through the tears and gasps for air, she could feel herself drowning, losing ground as she screamed at Caelen. "Why?" she queried aloud, her tone high to reach through the gasps. "Caelen Sage!" she yelled. "You have ruined me, you see?!? And it is all your fault!!!" She turned and began to struggle down the beaten path, despite the blur of her vision and her lost mind. "Oh, how I hate you! she screeched finally, her throat sore. Aife sped up, trying desperately to get away from the vampire, only to find herself going slower and slower as she fought to keep herself on track. "How I hate you...", she moaned desolately.
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There was a line that he crossed, Caelen was sure of it but he slipped and the words came out before he could fully think them through. Though it was impossible to avoid an argument he was rather hoping she would just get everything off of her chest at the first opportunity she saw and they can at least attempt to have a normal, probably angry, conversation. But once again the thoughts that ran through his mind never fully processed to tell him to keep quiet and now he had made matters worse. In his reasoning this was all of her fault, though he knew that people would probably think otherwise. It was Aife who had managed to get him stuck in the room of requirements after weeks of avoiding her. It was again her fault that gave him an ultimatum and so he chose the one he would be able to live with and again it was Aife who caused him to believe that they actually had a chance. So this was her fault, everything was her fault and he was going to keep believing that until she could prove him wrong.
My mistake?!?" Little time seemed to passed and Aife turned back to face him. He would have continued walking forward and hoped she followed him out of the forest if she hadn't screamed so loud. Now surely someone have heard that and he was starting to get annoyed. Did they really have to do this now in the middle of the forest? Who knows who it was she alerted and he wasn't in a friendly enough mood to get out without a fight. Just than he had the strongest urge to just carry her out of the forest and let her cause her little scene somewhere else. There really was no need for it he thought, he was keeping quiet wasn't he? it wasn't as if screaming would make her words cut him any harder than they already were. Now he was only beginning to develop a headache.
As he turned back to look at the angry glare and intimidating pose she was just trying to pull off he realize that it was probably not a very good idea to touch her. The girl was fuming and Caelen knew that she was already on the very edge and if he pushed any further there would be no fixing things. But he didn't come here to fix things... so it really shouldn't matter but it did and he didn't want to cause any more pain than he's already had. On the other hand if they continued to stand here facing each other he would say more stupid things and well... things would of course get worse. They always did in these kind of situations. Good thing he was on expert at cutting ties clean... but too bad all those experiences simply flew out of the window when it came to keeping his cool with Aife.
"I think you know very well what you were doing that first break when you came gliding into the Room of Requirement like you were Merlin's gift to the magical world! You could have stayed away! You could have let me just let you go, get over you, go find some other sordid boy to be with! You know exactly what you are capable of, I'm sure!"
It seemed Aife was full of accusations for the day. it wasn't as if he wished for her to be in the room when he entered. It was the stupid magic of the stupid castle that caused them to run into each other, by the time he had realized what was happening and tried to leave the door had vanished. Caelen still knew to this day that he did not in any way or form want the door to vanish which meant it was what Aife had required not him. So how did she reason that was his fault? Really... to work so hard on staying away from someone than purposely walk into their trap? She couldn't have been thinking clearly. At this point it only seemed like she needed excuses for her mistake. He was right. Always was in these type of things. He didn't ask for her affection or the infatuation, or whatever it was, that she had developed by that time. He had wanted to be left alone, he did not cause this. He did know what he was capable of, pain and more of it. He warned her but she chose to believe what she wanted to. He couldn't be blamed for that.
Aife walked forward closing some of the distance between them and he brought his gaze to meets hers. Icy stare versus apathy as she looked at him. He could handle looking at her while she was consumed by anger but anything else and he might have to focus on something else. "I did not come looking for you, and you know it!" She said again in what he thought was a lot louder than necessary. Caelen took a breath as his dark eyes stared back into her own, unwilling to show what he was thinking through them."This is not my mistake... Oh, no... Not mine at all..." How dare you, Caelen fxcking Sage..." He could hear the raw regret that came through the sarcastic laughter that she gave but Caelen was getting better at blocking it out. It was mostly because he believed he was right more than anything else. It sounded Aife was trying to convince herself that this wasn't her fault rather than him so he would let her just continue on. There was no point in trying to convince her of anything else.
"You accuse me of fault, while you were the one who just reeled me in, took me for what I could give, and then left me behind as you went gallivanting off to Merlin only knows where!?!"
Aife finished with a loud groan as her breath quickened. She had been waiting for this, he knew, she needed an outlet and wanted an explanation. Trying to not say anything in return was an annoyance because he did have a lot to say. For one he did not reel her in or take what ever it was she thought she gave. It was her persistence that led them both into these situations, if anything he should be screaming at her for making him believe they could actually be happy. She reeled him in, not the other way around but Aife was too lost in her own anger to even realize she affected him a lot more than he did her.
Soon as he noticed the mixture of emotions that began to flash across her face he looked away. She wasn't going to do it anymore. He went away to learn to not have them affect him and though he didn't accomplish it he would fight until he couldn't anymore. "What am I to do..." His eyes were turned towards the dirt on the ground as he took a step back once the instinct to distance himself from her kicked in. "You don't even care, After all that, you don't care... but then why would you..." More accusations he thought but still he stayed quiet. The faster she finished the faster they could leave and he would find another way to vent.
"I mean, I, of all people should know that..." Aife turned and began walking towards the path he had pointed her too. Her voice was shaky and the fragile air once again returned to her as he watch the way she carried herself. "I mean, it is rather obvious- you didn't even bother to tell me about your little vamp friend...Oh yes, I know about Haley. Told me herself, she did..."
Caelen nearly stumbled though he was standing still soon as she spoke. To be honest he had never even thought of the possibility that Haley would do that. It was after all one big mistake that they made. He's never even spoken to the girl before that night and now she went around bragging about the drunken encounter and before he had a chance to tell Aife himself. Though he didn't really plan to tell her... it wasn't something that he could have brought himself to do. "How did that go, by the way? Must have been very nice, not having to be careful with her and all..." He stood stunned and he broke her gaze to look around them. This wasn't something he had planned for. "That was..." He began and took a breath unsure of what else to say. He was suppose to be keeping quiet but again he never did what his reasoning told him too. "It was a mistake... never should've happened" He stopped short of saying sorry since that didn't seem enough for her.
"Why not choose a more pleasurable sort of pain? I seem to remember you're good with that... not that it matters, of course. But then, maybe that's not what gets you- the pleasure. Maybe, just maybe, you have this sick, twisted attraction to people in real pain, be it physically or emotionally... or even mentally...That might be my state, after all... I mean, I can't even be one hundred percent sure that you are real, and something tells me that you are not... After all, why in the hell would you come to me upon your return? Hmmm?"
In his short absence Aife had become very good at finding the right thing to say to get to him. It caused more of a reaction from him than she probably realize it would and regret overpowered the guilt he felt at bringing out such a bad change in her. It was always a sore spot for him when the matter of what he was came into play and she used it well. But her words were almost backwards since it seemed that it was people who often attached theirselves to him first. "Wish I knew" He answered the sarcastic question she gave him under his breath and took another look around the forest. "and it seems you're the sadistic one to me" Words were coming out again before he had a chance to think any of them through.
"Why not go after the one person you know it would end badly with..." Caelen walked forward as he tried to restore the hard mask that had fell out of place. "Was it fun for you? knowing that as much as I tried to stay away you would find a way to trap me.?" His tone was sarcastic and despite his better judgment a sneer formed on his face. "As if the vampire isn't tortured enough... let's play with his head a little, we can pretend we care then blame him in the end when it all goes to hell." He stopped in front of her keeping his eyes dark as he looked down at her. "You are the worst type of person there is I bet, worse than Haley even, knowing how hard it was for me to be with you but still I stayed must've been a ball for you"
but... it should have been important, Caelen!" Everything Aife had said before this had been completely lost to him. He was chosen to block out her words, there was no need to hear them anymore. It was all a lie it seemed and the more she spoke the more he believed that he has been caught in a twisted game that he couldn't possibly win. "This is not my fault! This is your fault!...and you, yes you, chose to take my blood!!!" Aife screamed and he chose to keep quiet until the end of her act. Really this wasn't what he came back for, she was attempting so hard to guilt him into doing something that he would surely forever regret. He would not fall for it, not for her tears or her words or the pain that she has feigned to mess with his mind some more.
...And it is all your fault!!! Oh, how I hate you! Her voice reached louder than before as if trying to get pass the defenses of his mind to really make him believe that this was his fault. Caelen though knew better and he would not falter. Not even when she started walking away did he move. Her words had meant nothing to him. Hate as well as Love was only a word and it has been proven time and time again that such words meant nothing. They were only there to be use as a way to weaken someone, he would not give in to Aife or her outburst. Besides this was what he needed anyway, or well he thought. He needed something, anything to happen so that he could walk away and not have her cross his mind ever again. Her words unfortunately empty might have done that if only she had meant it.
"I'm not dealing with this anymore" He spoke loudly and ran forward to block her path once again. Caelen needed to go, his mind had stopped thinking from the moment he opened his mouth and now pure instincts were taking over. He needed to go but unlike anyone else he's walked away from he actually needed her to drive him away. That was the so unfortunate hold that Aife had on him, he needed to break it but he couldn't. Not unless she broke it for him. "You... you are the... worst person I have ever met" Words were slipping out faster than he had time to even make sense of them. "Stop this stupid... quit playing with me Aife, I'm not going to do it anymore" He spoke coldly keeping his eyes void of everything but anger as he spoke. "Whatever it is that you had hoped to accomplish, it's done and over with, Congratulations."
His teeth gritted together roughly as the mixture of emotions that he felt were starting to brim over. "really haven't you had enough now? why are you still even wasting breath talking to me?" Again he was speaking before he could process thought. His point had took a turn and once again he was almost beginning to not make sense. "You, you're the sick one. Sick and twisted and sadistic" He took a breath and closed his eyes before continuing. "Well I'm done. No more Caelen to toy with." His words though meant to be final sounded more unsure than ever. He looked at her again than and stepped to the side deciding to let her continue along her way. "don't get lost again... He muttered as he kept her gaze, determine to go through with this "closure".
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Aife's shoulders shook as she tried to contain all the emotions that surged within her. She felt as if at any moment, she might explode from all the things she was keeping inside her. A few steps more, and she thought she was finally leaving Caelen behind. Then why, with each passing second, with each centimeter of distance added between them, did she feel more and more empty? It was like Hanzel and Gretel, only instead of breadcrumbs, she left pieces of her soul behind. Pieces that, in absence, would only bring her back to him...
"I'm not dealing with this anymore" Caelen's words were decisive, though not entirely final. Aife halted as he came before her, his body tense and his features conflicting. She tried to pry her eyes from him, but it seemed impossible- he was usually so passive, so careless, as she let out her own tension. It was a new thing, for him to look so... vulnerable. "You..." His voice came from him in a rush, tense and and forceful. "You are the... worst person I have ever met..." Aife checked herself, and looked at him anew. The worst? She most certainly was not the worst person he'd ever met. Hundreds of years, or only decades. He had to have met quite a few people, and she was sure she couldn't have been the worst.
"Stop this stupid... wuit playing with me Aife, I'm not going to do it anymore..." Caelen glared at her, his gaze boring into her. His eyes were icy, yet fiery in their madness. "Whatever it is that you had hoped to accomplish, it's done and over with- Congratulations..." Aife only glared at him, her eyes wide in response to his words. "I haven't set out to accomplish anything!" she exclaimed. "Ever since you left, I've been stagnant! Well, save for the fact that I've gone crazy and everything... Gah, this is pathetic!" She put her hands to her forehead, and looked up at Caelen through her arms. Did he really think that she'd meant for any of this to happen? This was no game to her! If it was, why would it affect her so much?
Caelen's jaw set as he resurged his verbal attack. "'Really, haven't you had enough now? Why are you still even wasting breath talking to me?" Aife's eyes popped. Why was she even talking to him? It was a very good question. Sadly enough, one she knew the answer to. "I can't help it", she said softly through pouting lips. What did he expect? That she just let him go, forget him, be able to pass him without dying to reach out and take hold of him? What person in their right mind would give up on someone so terribly vital to their being? But then, it was quite obvious, that Aife was no where near her right mind...
"You, you're the sick one... Sick and twisted and sadistic..." Caelen's words were pointed, and tinged with irony. Aife couldn't believe his words. Her gaze sunk to her feet, as she fought back shameful and sorrowful tears. "Well, I'm done. No more Caelen to toy with..." Her eyes popped back to Caelen. He wasn't serious. He couldn't be... But then, he moved. He moved, away from Aife, clearing the way for her to leave and get back to the meadow. She watched him, her eyes beseeching, as he stood still. "Don't get lost again..."
It was somehow so final, so terribly dismissive. But Aife couldn't move. Moments ticked by, as she stood in silence, the numerous things she could say, things she could do, shuffling through her mind as she rejected one after the other. Drama. That was what this was. And somehow, the quiet peace of the forest, and Caelen's presence, hateful or not, was enough for her. Deep breaths took air in from around her, as she fought to calm herself. She didn't know why she'd screamed at him- it wasn't like her. But then, she wasn't herself. She hadn't been, ever since he'd left. It really did seem like he'd taken her with him. She didn't know how to be herself anymore.
Aife stood still, staring at Caelen, letting time pass by them as she tried to decide what to do. She was at a loss, though. His words rushed through her mind, time and again, as she sifted through them, trying to understand the mechanics behind them.
No more Caelen to toy with...
Sick and twisted and sadistic...
The worst person I have ever met...
It was more than enough for Aife, to hear those words again and again as they shuffled through her mind. She glanced back up at Caelen, and then back down to her toes. With no idea as to where to start, or what she was doing, or even how she would do it, Aife parted her lips, ready to speak. Even that took time though, and it was a minute before she could even get words out. "Caelen..." she murmured, her voice scratchy and hoarse. "I don't toy with you... or I don't try to at least..." Well that was a start.
"I don't trap you. I don't even see how I could. I'm just... well. I'm only sixteen years old. I've been no where, practically, and you- well, you've been all over, I'm sure. I don't even know how old you are, but I'm sure you've had more than enough practice with containing yourself. You do that pretty well..." A sigh exuded from Aife's lips as she fought to order what she was bound to say into something more sensible. "You are beyond my control. I quite honestly do not know how you can mean to say that I've, I don't know... set traps for you, or the like..."
Aife didn't know what else to say. She kept Caelen's gaze, as she tried to keep herself from again screaming like an imbecile. But maybe that had been good for her. Outlets were good, right? "Why do you keep coming back?" she asked. "Every time you do, things get better, yes. But then they get worse. So much worse than ever before..." Aife sighed again, and wrapped her arms around herself once more. Her eyes stayed on Caelen's, a bit forlorn, and maybe even a tad resigned. What did it matter anymore, if she screamed or carried on. It wasn't going to change anything. Might as well do things without getting a headache out of them...
"Why not go after the one person that I know it would end badly with, eh?" she asked, her tone thoughtful. "Well for one, it isn't like I can stay away from you..." she mused. "And two, maybe... well. Maybe it's because I just can't stop hoping that things will turn out differently than how they're bound to... Because even when you leave, or when you're moody, or when all things seem lost, the little part that you've left behind still has the ability to hope, against all odds, that everything between us will turn out all right..." Aife's words were slow, studious even. It was all she could do to keep speaking, to let herself sound like the fool she was. It did cross her mind to care what he thought about her. But by now, it seemed like they were beyond the pressured restraints of general company.
"What do you expect from me, Caelen?" Aife asked, her arms held at her sides. "For me to just forget you? Just let you go?" With each passing word, each question, she felt more and more like herself. Or maybe it was just his presence. It made her wonder if, if he left, he would take it back, away with him. "I am in too deep now. Regardless of whose fault it is, wherever you go, there I am also. Sadly, you are now my sanity, though, and where you go, it seems that it follows..." She let out a breath, as if she'd been holding it in, and rolled her eyes. "I do sound manic, don't I?" she asked Caelen, looking to him for input.
"I am not saying that you have to stay here, that you have to be with me... do what you want. It isn't in me to make you do something you don't want to do..." Aife stood before Caelen, her whole body fidgety. "Just... do me a favour..." A deep breath, and she looked Caelen square in the eyes. She wasn't sure if she wanted to make this next point. "If you leave tonight, or whenever. Please... Caelen, please... don't come back. I might have been all right if you hadn't returned tonight. Self destructive, miserable, completely insane, yes. But livable." She took a second deep breath, rallying all her strength to keep herself steady. "But after you leave now, I don't know what will happen. And I really do not think I could take even one more appearance after this."
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The nervous tick of breathing to calm himself when he was angry has returned and Caelen found himself taking slow breaths. Inhaling and exhaling with more distance apart than a human could handle. He had no way of returning to his normal state of apathy and he really was regretting letting the uncaring mask he’s perfected fall apart. But he wasn’t able to control it around her, he never was and something told him that he never would be able to. It was just impossible. She was impossible. Caelen was sure he has never met someone who infuriated him so much. Well maybe he had but definitely not for the reasons that Aife brought with her. And never has someone caused him to be so completely out of tune with his mind.
Being someone that prided themselves on being unreadable it was annoying when it all fell apart because his emotions were too much even for him to handle. It was true that he did feel regret, lots of it, for ever even being in the same place that she was in. Caelen was someone who believed in fate and he was positive that even if he hadn’t asked her to the dance they still would have met somehow. It was the above’s way of torturing him. There was no rest for the wicked, and being damned has made him wicked. It wasn’t even by choice… he must have been doomed from the start.
Another slow breath and he pulled his dark eyes away from Aife to look past her. Here he stood hoping that she would continue along with her act and walk her own way but it didn’t appear that was going to happen anytime soon. She looked more shocked than anything and Caelen wasn’t sure what caused it. It could have been that his words had cut so deep that it silenced her or she might have been surprise that he’s figured her out. Caelen chose to believe the second thought as it would relieve some of the guilt and foolishness that he felt to be replaced by anger. That would make things easier for everyone. It was always better to feel angry than anything close to sorrow or pain.
His jaw twitched slightly as he held her stare but refused to speak before she said anything. He wanted her to be more angry with him. He wanted her to say that she hated him again but this time he actually wanted her to mean it. As long as he knew that there was even a slight possibility that Aife wanted him he would not be able to keep away from her. He knew that was the hard truth and he chose to blame that on Aife more than his lack of control. Really… how did someone just come along and break through all your defenses before you had a chance to realize what was happening. You couldn't be held responsible for something you couldn't control. Well it was to late to do anything about it anyway. He couldn’t break her hold on him. No matter how much he wanted to, if he even wanted to that is.
The dark silence continued between them and even the sound of her breathing was low to his ears. He was simply waiting now, for the outburst he had hoped to cause from within her. Again he was disappointed as Aife parted her lips to speak. It was either that the words did not want to come out or she was at a loss for them, whatever the reason it took longer than it usually did. "Caelen..." Aife spoke quietly and Caelen groaned in response. This was not what he wanted. Now that he was so close to being free from her she chose to act calm. It was being done on purpose he was sure of it now, Aife was really only messing with him. His words from earlier had been nothing short of something to make her feel as bad as she did him but now he was really beginning to believe them.
"I don't toy with you... or I don't try to at least..." That was not at all what he wanted. An apology was definitely not what he needed. Aife was doing this all wrong or well maybe in her mind all right. She was only torturing him after all. His fist clenched at his side in agony as every soft word she spoke only confirmed more and more of his thoughts. There was no possible way that someone could change emotions so quickly. Aife had been faking, this was all an act and he played the fool like a silly little puppet. That's what he felt like anyway. Aife was the puppet master and he was the toy, it was true. Even hundreds of miles away she still controlled his actions and took over his thoughts. Wasn't he suppose to be the cold hearted monster? Roles were all reversed here and he was more annoyed than angry.
I'm sure you've had more than enough practice with containing yourself. You do that pretty well... A dark humorless chuckle escaped him as he began to pace. She was mocking him now? Well that was rich. Just another way to add insult to injury, he really hoped that Aife was enjoying herself because he was getting rather bored and was being driven slowly insane with every sweet bitter word that she spoke. You are beyond my control. I quite honestly do not know how you can mean to say that I've, I don't know... set traps for you, or the like..." He stopped his steps to straighten out and turn back to face her. Why didn’t she give it up already? He’s told her that he was done with the game but still she continued on. ”Beyond your control… funny really” Caelen spoke giving a sarcastic laugh as he did so. ”you’re very good at that… playing naive I mean.” The words spilled before he had a chance to think them through but at this point he no longer cared.
His resolve had been broken, the mask also was broken and his mind was so fragmented that he didn’t know where to begin first. Why do you keep coming back? Every time you do, things get better, yes. But then they get worse. So much worse than ever before... Her words were ignored. He was much too busy trying to focus on not acting recklessly than to care about the lies she was trying to feed him. Another slow breath escaped him and he released the fist at the side once he felt his nails dig into the palm. There was no need to check for cuts as it was probably already healing but it didn’t provide an opportunity to look away from her and so he did. His teeth grinded together and he stood very stiffly and he dropped his arm back down to stuff into the pocket of his pants. It was probably best he kept his hands hidden so he didn’t do something stupid like grab her and… well whatever that would lead to, it wasn’t thought out completely ergo why he was hiding his hands.
"Why not go after the one person that I know it would end badly with, eh? Well for one, it isn't like I can stay away from you..." "And two, maybe... well. Maybe it's because I just can't stop hoping that things will turn out differently than how they're bound to... Because even when you leave, or when you're moody, or when all things seem lost, the little part that you've left behind still has the ability to hope, against all odds, that everything between us will turn out all right..."
Aife mocked him again and another breath escaped his lips. This one rougher than the others. Funny how someone who didn’t need to breathe was actually struggling to do it, that was almost irony. He felt like he had to in order to keep calm. Aife was speaking his mind for him back at him. Saying, of course, everything he felt but wouldn’t admit to himself and he had to stand and let her continue. She was doing it on purpose, she knew exactly what she was capable of and she used it against him. ”what are you part seer too?” He muttered barely audible as he began to pace again. ”No I would’ve noticed…” Caelen answered his own question quietly before suddenly stopping. The truth has finally occurred to him and now rage had started to get the best of him. Only one person despised him enough to actually go through so much trouble to cause him pain.
… I do sound manic, don't I? He barely registered her question as he stood still. His mind reeling into every memory he’s had with Aife to find the piece of evidence he needed. It had to be there he was sure of it. There had to be something that he missed and could have prevented all of this. He wanted to find it because it would make him feel much better about himself and because he would finally have someone to release all of this anger upon. He’s almost killed her once… no one would miss her he was positive of that so now all he needed was proof. Then he could act and he would be free and back to normal.
"But after you leave now, I don't know what will happen. And I really do not think I could take even one more appearance after this." There it was. The first truth in her words for this entire conversation. They were trying to drive him out of the school. It was a setup. Someone couldn’t be as sweet and fragile as Aife was pretending to be. It had to be a trap, there was no other explanation for it. ”How long have you been planning this?” He turned to her quickly and narrowed his eyes. He walked forward taking long strides, two brought him right in front of her and he stared down. His gaze was accusing and filled with hatred that was not directed at her but at himself for being so stupid. How could he not have seen this coming?
”Tell me… since when has she put you up to this?” Caelen spoke again keeping his tone calm even through the rage filled frenzied state he was currently phasing in and out of. The confused look on Aife’s face did nothing to change his mood as he was positive of course that she was faking. He came to reason that she would only put him through so much torture if she was being told to and the only person who could have come up with such an elaborate plan was Cassandra. Psycho ex-girlfriend extraordinaire. She certainly was bitter enough to do something like and cruel enough to get Aife to go along with it.
”You’re…” He paused looking to the ground quickly before meeting her gaze again. ”I’ve figured it out… really no need for this anymore, tell Athena that she’s won.” That was of course only for now. He needed it confirmed before he attacked her and faking surrender would probably help. Another slow breath and he pulled his hands from his pockets. Before Aife could even notice the movement he had already picked her up and ran towards one of the many thick trees of the forest. The blur of movement had ended and he was again in front of her, one hand resting on the tree next to her head and the other next to her waist.
”You should know that you’ve really picked the wrong person to mess with…” His words came out chilling and hard as he spoke. Another breath escaped his lips as the emotions running through his mind had finally tipped over, now there was only one big mess and confusion. And she thought she was being manic, ha… that was funny too. Caelen was incapable of standing still and so he moved forward. Leaning in towards her and bending his head so their faces could be close together. ”And... He paused again and took a long breath to calm himself. It was the chance to take in as much of her as possible since he wouldn’t ever see her again. ”and I really did… try for you”
Softer now he spoke since there was really no need to be mad at her. She wasn’t the mastermind behind it so he might as well compliment her on a good job. ”had me fooled really… the things you said and the way they were always so inviting. And I believed them, believed that there was an actual chance” Caelen stopped to take a breath and released her gaze to let his dark eyes wander down her face. ”For a moment… I really believed I loved you, which was why I left, if she didn’t already figure that out.” His words came out angrier than he meant them to be and he pulled away from Aife to clear his head more. ”I really hope it was fun for you, shame to have had it all gone to waste right?” And his sarcastic nature was back though it sounded horribly forced. Caelen stood still as he tried to figure out more things that he wanted to bring to the surface before he walked away, his habit of breathing once again returning to it’s resting place as he calmed down and accepted reality. This really was all of his fault, he was stupid and got exactly what he deserved.
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Aife's pleas seemed wasted on Caelen. He stood still, glaring at her as she finished. Time stretched forever in that one moment, until he turned quickly to face her. "How long have you been planning this?" he asked. He strode toward her quickly, till they were nearly against each other. She buckled under his gaze, as he looked down at her, his eyes fuming with hate. "Tell me... since when has she put you up to this?"
Aife's brows furrowed in confusion at Caelen's query. She? What did any she have to do with this? "She?" she asked aloud. "If you mean Haley, it saddens me that you did that, but I am far from being in league with her. It doesn't make me hate you, nor forsake you..." Aife rolled her eyes, and tried to stand strong against the great intimidating vampire who stood before her. Wiping her eyes clear of their wetness, she looked up at him, half glaring and half pleading.
"You're..." Caelen's gaze broke from hers for only a moment before it returned. "I've figured it out... really no need for this anymore, tell Athena that she's won..." Aife's brows furrowed even closer in confusion. "Athena?" she muttered. The name sounded slightly familiar, but she was sure she didn't know anyone with that name personally. She looked back up at Caelen, her face scrunched slightly. "Who is..." But before she could really get the words out, dizziness engulfed her, and her surroundings blurred till she felt her stomach lurch. Then everything against her was still, though the black shadows around her still swirled.
All Aife could feel was the closeness of Caelen's body, his length before her, his arms on either side of her, at varied heights. Everything spun- she hadn't been ready for such a move. Suddenly, his voice was close to her ear, his breath hot against the side of her face. "You should know that you've really picked the wrong person to mess with..." Aife closed her eyes, as she fought for visible purchase. If she didn't contain the heady feeling now, she was going to hurl. "Mess..." she murmured incoherently. "What... I haven't messed with you..." Okay, she really needed to get the about-to-hurl thing under control. "Caelen..." she pleaded, and she hung her head and squinted her eyes closer.
Finally the flashes of light stopped, and the earth stopped moving beneath her, and Aife could look back up at Caelen. His head was closer to hers, his body leaning into hers. The position reminded her so much of one before, though not quite as compromising, and a blush rose to her cheeks. Gah, Aife... you fool! she thought. It was more than she could have hoped for, but she knew Caelen better than that. She steadied herself against the tree that was holding her up, and squared her shoulders as she registered Caelen's features. They were not in the least bit interested. She cocked her head, confused. He sure was unpredictable tonight...
"And..." began Caelen, but before he finished, he paused. He breathed in, deeply, before continuing. "And I really did..." He stretched the words out slowly, as if he didn't want to give them form. "Try, for you..." Aife looked past him for a moment, and then back into his eyes. He tried? All he did was run away! She glared at him, her features unbelieving. Was it really that hard, that he would fail so easily? They'd had what, a year? And he was giving up so easily. At least she hadn't given up caring.
"Had me fooled, really... the things you said, and the way they were always so inviting..." Caelen's words came slower, his tone soft, and almost like he was speaking to a child. "And I believed them, believed that there was an actual chance..." Aife's eyes renewed their pleading look. She couldn't bear to have him speak to her like this. Like he thought she'd been lying, or like she'd made it hard for him, when in all actuality, she'd tried to make it as easy as possible for him. She thought she'd done well with that. Apparently she was wrong...
Caelen released Aife's befuddled gaze, letting his eyes wander over her face. "For a moment... I really believed I loved you, which was why I left, if she didn't all ready figure that out..." Aife's head jerked a bit, as she checked herself. He'd loved her? He'd loved her. He'd loved her?!? Her jaw dropped a bit in shock, while her brows took on a more cynical kind of furrowing. He went on, speaking, but she wasn't fully registering his words. Instead, she'd lost herself in some kind of vacuum, where all the horridly lovely memories of whatever moments they'd shared passed her by. His voice was only background now, adding to the confusion that filled her mind.
Aife pulled herself back to the present with difficulty. Locking eyes with Caelen, she stood still, as close to the tree as possible, though still sandwiched between the wood and the vampire. "You loved me..." she muttered. "You thought you loved me..." she corrected herself. She focussed back on Caelen's brilliant green orbs. "You don't love me?" she asked, her words hoarse and raw. "You don't love me." she confirmed. A riddled maze it was, but she was finding it hard to register the thought. Of course she'd had an inkling of hope... but dare to hope for real? No way. And to find that there had actually been the possibility... She couldn't take it.
It seemed Aife couldn't keep her vision focussed, especially on the ivory face that was settled so close to her own. The source of so much pain, and so little pleasure. How worth it was he? It was a question that, until now, she hadn't dared to think of. Something that had lurked in the back of her mind, since the night she went to bed in tears, after having been left alone at the pink and red adorned tables of the great hall. How worth it was he? And considering the fact that, without him, she was incredibly lost, and completely heartbroken, it seemed he was incredibly worth it. But then, the feelings she had for him, the utter emptiness in his absence, the way his presence, hateful or not, made her heart sing, and how all other things, good or bad, seemed simply brilliant when she was with him, made him completely worth it.
Aife looked down at her shirt, then back up at Caelen, trying to make sure she didn't say anything stupid. First things first. "Caelen... I don't know who Athena is..." she told him, her words steady. "I don't know who she is, or what she has to do with us, or me, or whatever you are talking about..." She bit her lip, forcing herself to stay calm. He might have loved you... Aife closed her eyes. "I would never pull your leg, and I would never misguide you, and..." She swallowed nervously. "Caelen, if you think that anyone could plan how I feel for you, if anyone could guide my love for you, you are an absolute idiot..."
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"You loved me..." It was a surprise to him that after all that he said that seemed to be the only thing she focused on. It was very Aife like and he brought his eyes to meet hers again. The words had come out muttered as if she couldn’t believe they existed let alone be true. At this point he really didn’t know who should be the most shocked out of both of them. He didn’t really mind that he said the words out of the open, it was enough of holding things in that was causing all of these … misunderstandings. Not to mention he still believed his theory to be right and he was really only being played with. In which case he decided to just get everything out into the open so he can be along his way.
"You thought you loved me..." Aife spoke again more clearly as she read more into his words. That did cause doubt into his mind, that she would be so surprise to hear it from himself. If Cassie had seen this happen shouldn’t she bit more… hurtful than anything else? Say pretty words like before to get him wrapped up some more. Either Aife was a very talented actress or he really was only making excuses for himself. "You don't love me?" She said her voice low and hoarse. He felt almost taken aback by the question and for the instance the million of senseless thoughts that ran through his mind stopped. As if given him the opportunity to rest but that of course made it worse as he didn’t know how to answer. His lips parted as he released his last breath and prepared to answer. You don't love me." Aife continued before he did and he chose to remain quiet.
That wouldn’t have been his answer but it could have been interpreted that way, depending on whether she had become completely cynical or not. I don’t know was all that came to his mind as he searched for an answer to give her. It was strange how when he felt it, or thought he felt it, he was willing to admit to it but when the question came out more bluntly he couldn’t. But was it so hard to believe that he did, or do, love her? He really didn’t know what is was that Aife expected from him. Caelen thought he tried well enough to make things work between them, that’s why he was here after all. She just seemed to stuck in this view of how things are suppose to be perfect to notice that. Well reality of it was that even if all was forgiven things between them would never go smoothly.
There were just too many factors affecting them, or well him. Caelen simply thought to much. That was the problem but he couldn’t really fix it. All he could see before them was the amount of problem, number one being danger, that he was laying out for her and he did have enough of a conscious to make him not want to put her through that. So it was a constant battle, though he was positive that being with Aife would only continue hurt her, he couldn’t not be with her. He was a muddled mess and there wasn’t even anywhere to begin to try and clear things up. It would only make things worse and he couldn’t figure it out himself. That being the reason he thought he loved her, there were too much confusion and the feeling was suppose to be like that wasn’t it? He wasn’t sure, so instead of making things worse, to the point where he was sure, he took an outing.
Now that he was back here he did realize it was a stupid thing to do on his part. It didn’t help any and now more than ever he felt as if he needed her more. Absence makes the heart grow fonder… but what if it was a dead heart. It didn’t exactly explain their situation. Her words from earlier that he’d skipped over had come back in plain view and actually caused him to give an inward chuckle. You have ruined me She had said through the screaming and tears but it was more like the other way around than she could have possibly imagining. Meeting Aife had to be, without a doubt, the best worst thing that has ever happened to him.
"Caelen... I don't know who Athena is... I don't know who she is, or what she has to do with us, or me, or whatever you are talking about..." Aife broke through his thoughts and his focus returned towards her. She did sound like herself and now he did feel worse than before. It was stupid really to think that someone else had been directing her actions. He did know her enough to know that but he has not been thinking clearly for too long of a time and any easy excuse he found he took. A way to make things better, because if it was all a lie, well to her, than it would, should, be easier to forget. Another option that didn’t work and he knew it wouldn’t really. if you think that anyone could plan how I feel for you, if anyone could guide my love for you, you are an absolute idiot..." Caelen looked at her and narrowed his brows. That had to be the first time she’s truly insulted him.
Another slow breath to regain his thoughts and Caelen leaned closer towards her. The anger had faded and the only feeling left behind which bothered him was regret and foolishness. He didn’t know what else to say to her at this point, nothing really came to mind except an apology and he wasn’t even sure what he should be apologizing for. Well he could always start with the simpler things first. It seemed like Aife was calm enough to actually listen to him without anymore accusations. ”I’m sorry… about Haley” He said keeping his tone clear and sincere, ”I really wouldn’t…” He stopped unsure of what else to say. It wouldn’t make much sense to say he wouldn’t do something like that because he did, but he was out of his mind when they ran into each other.
”I really didn’t mean to and whatever she told you was probably a lie. I hardly know her, was the first time I even spoke to her. “ Maybe his apology wasn’t really helping his case. It sounded more like he would cheat on her with a person he didn’t know and that wasn’t what he was trying to say. ”I’m just… sorry, there isn’t an excuse… and I didn’t know how to tell you…” Why was it whenever he was around Aife all he did was apologize. It was really pathetic how much she’s changed him.
Caelen pulled his eyes from her own to let them wander her face again quickly. It didn’t matter whether she believed him or not but he knew it was the honest answer. That was about as close to saying sorry for leaving he would ever get, because well… he wasn’t sorry. He really had believed that had been the best thing to do even though it caused more harm than he anticipated. With a soft sigh he pulled away from the tree and stepped back to put some distance between the two of them. Now it was only a matter of where to go from here, well at least that what he thought. ”Sorry I came back” He said louder than before to show that he really did mean it. ”Don’t really know why I did to be honest… I didn’t plan to tell you I was here…” He finished softly and released a breath as he let his eyes scan the area. It was something mean to admit to but there was no reason to keep it in.
”but I’ll… I’ll go now” He finished with a nervous laugh and stuffed his hands into his pockets. ”Be better for everyone right?” Caelen looked at her with his eyes sincere as he tried to mask the pain that the thought of being away from her again caused. ”Yea.” He gave a small smile and took another step back to distance from her further.
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Aife stopped short of her words, her eyes wide as she looked at Caelen. She felt she should have chosen her words more carefully. Caelen didn't love her. So why did she have to, in a way, go and tell him she did? She let out a fresh breath of air as she struggled to calm herself. And then he leaned forward, closer to her. So much for a calming breath. Caelen's mere presence made her lungs fail, especially when he did that. Aife sighed, and kept her eyes locked with his. There was no way she was pulling hers away now.
"I'm sorry..." began Caelen. Aife's brows furrowed. What did he have to be sorry for? But before she could ask, he finished. "About Haley... I really wouldn't..." Aife cocked her head as he paused. Wouldn't what? she wanted to ask. "I really didn't mean to and whatever she told you was probably a lie" he said swiftly. "I hardly know her, it was the first time I even spoke to her..."
Aife closed her eyes as she tried yet again to stay calm. It wasn't so much that he did... whatever it was he did. It was more that no matter how much she tried not to care, it still agrivated her even the slightest bit. It shouldn't aggrivate her. She didn't have the right to get angry about it. "I'm just sorry, there isn't an excuse... and I didn't know how to tell you..." Caelen's words filtered through her thoughts, and she looked at him again. "It doesn't matter about Haley. I mean, it's not like you're mine, i don't own you. I can't prevent you from being with other girls. It doesn't matter...." she told him, a sad smile across her lips. Try as she might, she didn't fully believe her own words.
Caelen's gaze left Aife's own, and he let the travel across her features. She hated when he did that. She felt so vulnerable, like by reading the lines etched along her face, he could also read what was behind them. The closeness made her long to pull him closer, wrap her arms around him, and say it would all be okay. But it also made her want to plead with him to give it one last chance, no matter what the outcome. Unfortunately, she didn't know anymore if, if he agreed to that, she would be able to handle the outcome. Things always seemed to end up badly, worse each time even.
Caelen pulled away from her then, a sigh escaping from his rosy lips. He stepped back, slowly, each inch pounding away at Aife's heart like a knife. The last thing she wanted was for him to be away from her, though she didn't like to admit it. Weakness. That's what admitting would show, but also, that was what he'd made her- weak. And for some unearthly reason, she no longer minded the fact. Of all the people in the world, she realized, he was the one person that could use what strength was taken from her.
From the moment she'd met Caelen, Aife could easily tell that he was broken, downtrodden. Cynical, depressed, searching. And now, it nearly broke her heart to realize that she only made things worse for him. No matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried, it would only be one way, or an other. Either he could stand alone, without anyone to bring him down, or stand alongside someone else, who could lift him up, but also bring him down. She wondered if it were possible that she could ever stop bringing him down.
"Sorry I came back..." Caelen's voice was loud, direct. But Aife's head only shook sadly, as if to tell him no, to not apolagize. "Don't really know why I did to be honest... I didn't plan to tell you I was here..." Aife's eyes were wide and sad as a deer's, and she blinked back a newly threatening wave of tears. She didn't know why he had to come back either, but from where she stood now, she was grateful he did. Even if it hurt her so much to see him. It pained her to think of him leaving, though. She couldn't see where she'd go after this, what she'd do, if he left.
"But I'll... I'll go now..." Caelen gave a nervous laugh, his posture huddled a bit as he stuffed clenched fists deep into his pockets. Aife stood still, completely at a loss as to how to respond. Caelen's emerald green gaze met hers once more, his features glancing between sorrow, determination, regret... She wondered if her own features mirrored his, but she was almost positive that they were fast becoming one great pool of panic. "Be better for everone, right?"
Aife's head shook slowly. It was better for Caelen, yes, but it was not better for her, she knew. "Yea..." And with that one last word, Caelen stepped back again, as if he would retreat, his eyes wary to any advance she might make. Her head shook faster, increasing in fury. "No...", she moaned softly. But he kept backing away, slowly, as if to draw out each and every step.
"Caelen..." she pleaded, her voice low and ragged. "Caelen, stop... don't..." Aife didn't know what she should say, what she should do, but it seemed there would never be an other chance beyond this moment. She had to tell him, whether he listened or not, how she felt. "I don't want you to leave", she said. Her voice was small, hesitant. She ducked her head, not wanting to meet his eyes. It was the first time that she'd actually ever worried that he might think she was a fool. But then she looked back up at him, determined to speak her mind.
"Go, if you like. I can't stop you, I know", she told him. "But you must know. I do not want you to leave." Her gaze was steady, if not for the watery tears that threatened to breach her lids. "Caelen..." His name was like a foothold, something for her to grab onto, until she could form her words. "I can't bear it. I don't know what to do without you..." Aife took a deep breath, the gasp gathering any strength she had left. She struggled to understand how she could explain her feelings to him, how she could communicate her muddled thoughts.
"It's like... it's like you take with you whatever reason I have, wherever you go. Without you, I am absolutely lost..." Aife paused, unsure of what to say, or what to do. "I just cannot let you go while you think that that is what I want." She blinked back a fresh wave of tears- she could keep them at bay for only so long. Why did he make her cry so much? "I just cannot stand the thought of you going on with your life, or whatever you wish to call it, thinking I don't care, or that I wanted you to leave..." It seemed like now, even with Caelen present, she still didn't know what to do, still didn't have an ounce of reason in her.
Aife paused, as if to emphasize the coming words. "There will always be you, in the back of my mind. The sarcastic, moody vampire, who turned my world upside down. And I will always wonder what could have been. And you will always be what I wanted first. What, above all other things, I wanted the most. The one thing that I couldn't have..." Aife sighed. "But what I could have had, if only I was maybe, somehow, more perfect, or less emotional, or more simple a person... more or less something."
Aife stopped speaking. Without making an idiot of herself, there wasn't anything else to say. She wished she could be selfless and let him go, but it just wasn't in her. What she really wanted to do was to make him stay with her, for him to never leave. Should she tell him that, she wondered? Would it make any difference if she told him to stay or not? It was driving her crazy, not knowing. If she knew he would stay... but then, would that be a good thing? Would it be better for him to stay with her? She knew what would be best for her.
Caelen watched her, as if waiting for her decision. Aife didn't think that it was really the best thing for her to try and make him stay. Yet, she knew that she couldn't live without him. Caelen had plenty of time- he had eternity. If he messed up by staying with her, he could always try again. The thought gave her strength. He'd get over her. As long as she was human, he had a second chance.
Aife didn't though. She had one chance at life and, well, if she had a second chance, living as a ghost would be much of a life. Her mind was decided, but not yet her heart. Could she do it? Could she ask Caelen to give them an other shot? What would they do when she aged? Veelas did age well, that was for sure. But they still aged. What would they do when she passed her twentieth, her thirtieth birthday? Aife sighed. They would cross that bridge when they came to it.
Aife's thoughts were disrupted by the soft shuffle of feet. Caelen made to turn, to leave, his fists burried in his pockets and shoulders hunched. He thought he had her answer, but he was wrong. "Caelen!" Aife cried, a fresh wave of tears advancing against her heavy lids. He didn't stop, just strode away, ignoring her. "No..." she moaned. She didn't want him to leave. He couldn't leave.
Aife shot forward, running toward him as he took his fast paced steps. "Caelen..." she gasped as she loped ahead, passing him till she could stand before him. "Don't leave me!" She took a great gasping breath as he slowed. "I don't want you to leave...." she told him. Aife moved closer to him, and took his hands in hers. They were so cool, yet so soft against her own. She looked into his eyes.
"Please don't leave me" she pleaded, her eyes blurry with tears. "I can't live without you- I'm not right without you. Stay, or go, whatever you like- but wherever you go, please- take me with you..." Aife fought against the sobs that threatened to break her words. To her horror, she could feel the tears running down her face, over her cheeks. She must have looked like an idiot. Yet, if she had to look like an idiot to make him stay, that was what she would do. Aife moved even closer, letting Caelen's hands fall as she wrapped her arms around his waist. She tucked her head against his chest, careless of the tears that would stain his shirt. "Don't leave me..." she said again, the words muffled against the cloth. "I need you."
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The small steps turned quickly into big strides backwards as he pulled away. Though he tried so hard to hide it they were very hesitant. Again his body wasn’t cooperating with his mind, it was for the best he thought but his legs thought the opposite. It was true that all he caused her was pain and she said herself without him here she could have begun to heal. What did it matter what he wanted as long as Aife was happy or content. Wasn’t that what the feeling of love brought to someone? To only care about someone else that you would make whatever sacrifices it took to give them what they wanted.
Only here it seems that Aife was not very sure of what she wanted. Her feelings were confused, as his were, but she only continued to bring pain unto herself. Someone wasn’t suppose to like going through so much pain time after time. He caused her too many tears and heartache and Aife only continued to ask for more whenever she tried to sort things out. That is how Caelen saw it. Though her feelings for him might be true it wasn’t what was best for her. It wouldn’t work out, Caelen knew for a fact that it would never work. There were too many pieces of himself missing to ever just accept things as they were. It was a false sense of happiness when they were together as he was continuously lying to himself. It felt wrong in a way, as if he was betraying her and that would only bring more pain.
So he was choosing for her. His mind was correct in all of its decisions he was positive of that and since Aife was unable to choose what would make her happy then he would do it for her. There would of course be regrets as he wouldn’t be able to keep Aife out of his mind but they were human, well she was, and so they would eventually forget about it and move on with their lives. It would be as nothing ever happened between them. Besides… Aife was only sixteen, she had many more years to find someone to be happy and grow old with. Caelen couldn’t give her that. Why was it so impossible for her to see that they didn’t have a future together. It was all that he could think about, when he wasn’t with her. That had to be why she continued to pursuit a relationship with him.
He took a small breath as more and more thoughts invaded his mind and he continued to walk, prepared to at any moment to just turn his back to her and leave like he’s been trying to convince himself to do. His eyes were on her and another small breath escaped him as he heard the barely audible “no” fall from her lips. This is why he had to leave but again his legs have stopped moving. It was always too hard for him to watch the hurt that he caused her create a sudden change in her. All he wanted to do was comfort her and make promises that everything would be alright. Even for the moment, it would be better than nothing and they could be happy even if it was a lie.
"I don't want you to leave", Aife spoke and ducked her head soon after as if embarrassed by her words. He was surprised more than anything and was grateful that Aife wasn’t looking at him. The hesitancy on his face would have been much too noticeable and would have surely given her another opportunity to weaken him further. Not that it mattered much, her words alone was enough to make him forget completely about leaving her side. Caelen took another breath and stepped back more to distance himself the more she tried to keep his attention. It wasn’t that he wanted to be rude but it was a precaution he felt he needed to take. The farther he was from her the higher of a chance he had of leaving before she could say anything to warp his mind.
"There will always be you, in the back of my mind. The sarcastic, moody vampire, who turned my world upside down. And I will always wonder what could have been. And you will always be what I wanted first. What, above all other things, I wanted the most. The one thing that I couldn't have...But what I could have had, if only I was maybe, somehow, more perfect, or less emotional, or more simple a person... more or less something."
And that was the last thing he needed to hear. Caelen gritted his teeth together as he tried to keep from speaking. It wasn’t at all her fault and he didn’t think that Aife could be any more perfect than she already was. It was impossible. He was the one with the one and a million flaws and he wished he could change for her but it was difficult with all of his doubts and cynical thinking. His eyes stayed focused on her as the muddled thoughts in his mind struggled to form words but if he did Caelen was sure that he would never leave. He sighed and tore his eyes from her to look at the ground before turning around to give his back to her. It was with great difficulty that he lifted his foot to make his next step after mumbling sorry under his breath.
Now it was only a matter of getting away before she had a chance to notice, he would have if his legs we’re working. It seemed all his senses had just given up on him as the speed that his vampirism has given him just disappeared. For now he would have to concentrate on walking and pray that he could dull out her voice so he could focus on moving forward. "Caelen!" Aife cried out but he ignored it and kept moving, taking faster and longer steps to walk farther away from her. His ears were tuned to the footsteps that were fast approaching and his fist clenched tighter. He was surprised to see her actually following him and that made matters even worse.
Aife ran to stand before him and he stopped to face her, a low breath escaping his lips as the hard mask struggled to return into place. He looked at the ground determined to not lock gaze with hers. "I don't want you to leave...." Aife started quietly and moved closer to him. He almost took a step back on instinct as she reach out to touch him but he was frozen in place just by the sound of her voice and his body refused to move. Aife… he began with a deep breath as he tried to think of something to say to push her away for good as he looked up to meet her eyes. "Please don't leave me" Aife continued, her voice on the verge of breaking to match the tears that threatened to fall. … please- take me with you..." Caelen tried to break away from her gaze but was paralyzed as the tears started running down her face.
Another low breath and nothing came out of his parted lips as he tried to speak. The only thing he could think of now was doing whatever she asked of him to stop the pain. Thoughts of leaving had completely fled his mind and everything seemed to stop as Aife wrapped her arms around his waist. Instantly he let his own arms circled around her to pull her closer into him, painfully aware of the tears that he’d caused her soaking through his shirt. "I need you." She spoke muffled against his chest but the words rang loudly in his ears as it was his first time ever hearing them. Caelen breathed pulling Aife tighter to him as he looked down at the fiery red hair that made her so beautiful.
”I need you too” His own reply came out clear and short as he took another long breath to inhale her scent. Finally it seemed his mind was at rest, the only thing that mattered was the girl in his arms and he realizes how much he missed it. Having Aife so close to him was more than he could ask for and Caelen was now more than positive that if he had left he would have most likely returned to her side. It really was something that he couldn’t help but do, she was like a magnet. He was much too far in to just let her be, or well let her live, without him around. It was truly dangerously close to becoming something like an obsession but it couldn’t be helped. Caelen wasn’t one to give his feelings lightly, he was too cautious for that, and so when he did get attached to someone it wasn’t in his nature to just let that slip away.
His grip around her waist was sure to make that same statement as he thought of something else to say to her. Caelen wasn’t even sure where to begin really, there was not much to be said that he didn’t already make clear to her. He gave a short breath to exhale and released his tight hold on her. His arms moved from around her waist to rest on her hips and trail upwards gently. His mind was no longer searching for thoughts as his fingertips danced over her sides and the exposed skin of her back. It seemed too long ago that he’s touched her like that and it was another thing he missed dearly. Funny how he hardly thought about it until he was once again doing it. ”I’m sorry…” Caelen mumbled out unsure of which mistake he was apologizing to her for. There was too many to count and he didn’t care too much for the specifics at the moment.
”I don’t think I can leave you alone” He spoke more clearly almost as a continuation to his previous words. It made enough sense to him, he really couldn’t leave her without him. For more his sake than hers and that seemed like something worth apologizing. It made him sound much too lost within her than he should be. It was almost a warning when looked at it that way, something like Sorry that I have to stalk you, but of course he would never say that out loud. He didn’t want to scare her or look more insane than she made him out to be.
”too late” Caelen said without meaning to. His thoughts slipped through and he inhaled another breath to take in more of her. ”I did love you…” He said deciding to finally answer the question, or statement, that she had earlier. ”Or do, still do” Caelen finished softly not quite sure whether he wants her to hear the words he admitted or not. It wouldn’t matter if she did really, it wasn’t as if he could escape her now. He had to be with her no matter what, so who cares whether he told her or not. It was more surprising that Aife hadn’t already figured that out on her own time.
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"I need you..."
The words were true- oh were they ever. Even so, Aife winced as she said them, worries that Caelen might think they were false, or even pathetic, shoving to the front of her mind. It was all she could do not to pull away and hide. Little good would that do for her anyway. She was sure he could have found her with only one of his elite senses.
Aife breathed deeply as Caelen pulled her closer. She hadn't been aware that she was holding her breath, and she didn't notice that much more now. It was such a relief for him to hold her close. Acceptance. Care. She'd missed this part most.
"I need you too."
Caelen's words were short, and to the point, mirroring her own. Aife could feel tears pricking at her eyes, and she blinked to keep them at bay. He needed her. She had yet to realize the fact, and it came as a blunt surprise to her.
Feeling as if the moment could end too soon, Aife kept her mouth shut, fearful that any words might ruin it. She couldn't be without him, and from this moment on, she'd do nearly anything in her power to not ruin it. Caelen's grip around her waist held firm, though, the flesh of his hands frigid against her own skin. It felt so good, she didn't mind the chill that raised the soft down, or ran goosebumps along her back. She felt it was more than she could have asked for- more than she deserved.
His hold lessened, though, and Aife froze, unsure of whether to complain or let Caelen go. His arms merely moved to her hips, though, and she breathed easier at their touch. Tendrils of cold tickled at her side as he ran his hands along her skin, and she shivered slightly in the contrast of his icy flesh and the stuffy night air.
"I'm sorry..." he murmured. Aife looked up at him, her brows furrowed. He'd all ready apologized for whatever he'd needed to, but none of it seemed important now. All the complications, all the worries, seemed so distant. She didn't see the need for his words.
"I don't think I can leave you alone." Aife gave a small chuckle, the sound light, barely a laugh. There was something in his words that made them sound like a confession, like a sin. But they were choir bells to Aife.
"I don't think that is exactly a bad thing", she said softly. Aife looked up at Caelen, just hearing his own soft words. Too late. She cocked her head. If he thought anything having to do with her was too late, so long as it was good to her, he was wrong. She felt selfish admitting that to herself, but it was true.
"I did love you..." Aife focused back on the man in her arms, her head tilted upward as she studied his face. Did... Her heart skipped a beat, before he finished. "'Or do, still do..."
Ah, there was her heart's beat again. Aife stood still in his arms, letting the words sink in. He loved her. Now that definitely seemed like way more than she deserved. He had all eternity, had so much going for him- and he loved her. Yes. Much more than she'd ever deserved.
Aife stared at Caelen for a moment, her gaze tracing the lines of his face, the hard curve of his jaw, soft flushes of faded colour against his skin. It had to be a dream. This whole term- he'd been gone. And now Caelen was there with her, and even better- in her arms. In all the dreams, all the nightmares, all her wishes, she'd never dared to hope for this.
"I don't deserve this..." Aife said slowly. She leaned her forehead against Caelen's chest, her lips pressing to his sternum, laying a light kiss against the cloth of his shirt. "But there is no way, if I can help it, that I would give you up." Her gaze returned to his face, and she smiled. He was so beautiful, so utterly perfect. How could she, of all people, deserve him?
Aife's smile widened into a grin as she looked at Caelen. Her hand traced patterns against his shirt in the silence, the slow, steady beat of his heart emphasized against her palm. She reached up, encompassing the curve of his neck in her hands till she could pull him closer to her level. Her toes pushed her the rest of the way, and she gathered Caelen's lips in hers. The sweet cool of their flesh was all she could taste, and all she was aware of, till she pulled away slowly.
Eyes twinkling and cheeks dimpling, Aife smiled at Caelen, her lips echoing the joy that raged withing her. "I love you too", she said, a blush rising in her face. Blissfully unaware of her rapid heart beat, she pulled Caelen back down, her lips parting as they met his.
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